How do you handle the 'coming out' as ENM?

Question

Our close friends and family are pretty traditional. How do ENM couples handle the social aspect? Do you tell people? How do you deal with judgment?

SLCdiscreetcpl · Accepted Answer

This is a very personal decision and there's no right answer. Here's the spectrum:

**Don't Tell Anyone:**
- Pro: No judgment, no drama
- Con: Can feel isolating, have to hide partners

**Tell Close Friends Only:**
- Pro: Support system, can be authentic with people who matter
- Con: Risk of gossip, potential loss of friendships

**Fully Out:**
- Pro: Live authentically, normalize ENM
- Con: Potential family conflict, professional risk in some industries

**Our approach:** We're selectively out. Close friends know, family doesn't (yet), and we're discreet at work. We started by telling our most open-minded friend and gauging the reaction. It went well, so we told a few more.

Tips:
- You don't owe anyone an explanation about your relationship
- Lead with confidence, not apology
- Have resources ready for people who want to understand
- Accept that some people won't get it — that's okay

How do you handle the 'coming out' as ENM?

Your Answer

Have an answer?