New to ENM — where do I even start?
Asked by CaliDreamCouple69 upvotes1 answers
New to ENMMy partner and I have agreed to explore ethical non-monogamy but we have no idea where to start. Books? Apps? Events? What's the roadmap?
Best Answer
AcceptedWestCoast_lovers67 upvotes
Welcome! Here's the beginner roadmap that worked for us:
Phase 1: Education (Weeks 1-4)
- Read "The Ethical Slut" and "Opening Up" together
- Listen to the "Multiamory" podcast
- Join r/nonmonogamy and r/polyamory to read others' experiences
Phase 2: Define Your Structure (Weeks 4-8)
- What flavor of ENM interests you? Swinging? Polyamory? Open relationship?
- Set initial boundaries and agreements — write them down
- Discuss deal-breakers and must-haves
Phase 3: Dip Your Toes (Months 2-3)
- Create profiles on Feeld and/or Swingular
- Attend a local ENM meetup or munch (usually listed on FetLife or Meetup)
- Go on low-pressure dates/meetups — coffee, not overnight stays
Phase 4: Iterate (Ongoing)
- Regular check-ins with your partner (weekly minimum)
- Adjust boundaries as needed
- Be kind to yourselves — there will be bumps
The most important thing: go at the speed of the slowest partner.